these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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