His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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