Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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