I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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