2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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