That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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