Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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