How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
