He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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