I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
