im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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