I want to have your abortion
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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