She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
