He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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