Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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