there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When are your genitals available?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
