i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
