Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
