i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
