Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
