I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
