You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
