three words: i give head
three words: not that well
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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