Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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