Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
