No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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