I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
