Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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