things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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