I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
