I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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