My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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