I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
