Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
