Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
