i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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