he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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