real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
