A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you never un-have a 4some
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
