I could make wine with my vomit
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
