I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
