I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
