I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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