Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
