maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
