It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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