You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
