Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
