You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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