I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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