My nipple is on Facebook.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
