He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
