I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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